Wednesday, September 12, 2007

One More Toon

I just couldn't resist posting this gem from the brilliant mind of Dave Eden. It might take you a while to figure out what the crudely-drawn toon is getting at, so allow me to explain. The sweaty, nervous androgyne is holding a couple of boxes for movies he/she/it has apparently rented. Apparently, our genderless friend has wandered into the world's only video store with text-only box covers (sort of like a Lynx-browser theme), and they have rented the movies "Kill Kill Kill Horror," and "Sex Sware Hurt Sex." Now, I have not heard of either of these films, but they sure do sound interesting ... and if they can make a hermaphrodite sweat just from the titles alone, they seem worthwhile to look into.

However, the artist wants us to know that renting these types of movies - especially during adolescence, when both sets of genitalia are just about to sprout for our confused protagonist - is harmful, and people need to "dig deeper" for better choices in films. Apparently, you won't need to dig too deeply, because the ENTIRE SHELF of movies behind the boymangirlwoman is stocked with wholesome titles. The store features several Christian classics like "Passion of the Christ" (which I have not seen, but a friend of mine says that the whipping scene is GREAT to jack off to), "Keelah and the Bee" (which is supposed to be like "Akeelah and the Bee, but she "gives up the A"), and "A Beautiful Mind" (a wonderful film that explores what happens when the chick with the hottest rack in Hollywood develops anorexia).

I was surprised to see a few of the titles on the shelf ... for example, has anyone told Dave that "Glory Road" supports the idea that negroes have rights? I mean, it was really cool when they beat the player up in the bathroom at that diner, but aside from that, the lack of respect for our country's institutions (segregation, racial profiling, Pat Riley) are apparent throughout. But most surprising of all was the inclusion of "Happy Feet." I mean, this flick is simply DANGEROUS, not only to America, but to G_d:
"[T]he propagandistic theme suggests that the biggest menace for the lovable penguins is the human race -- stealing the fish on which the birds depend, or ruining planet earth through pollution and global warming."
Michael Medved

"I'd like to teach my children how to think for themselves about the issues, including global warming and the environment, instead of having them indoctrinated by some Hollywood director."
Glenn Beck

"I felt like I was watching Dirty Dancing, penguin-style. You know, the preaching against the tap dancing and being liberal and stay conformed. And then it started to get into the other messages. Yes, we had that plastic ring around one of the penguin's neck. From there it got worse."
Holly McClure

"I half-expected to see an animated version of Al Gore pop up."
Neil Cavuto

I just called my local video store - unfortunately, I'm on the waiting list for "Sex Sware Hurt Sex."


Carl said...

Sware Sex....mmmmmmmmmm, that's HOT!

Fantod said...

I wonder if Dave realizes that End of the Spear stars an openly gay actor.

Chad Allen, who plays Nate Saint (one of the martyred missionaries) and the grown-up Steve Saint (Nate's son), is an outspoken homosexual actor who has lobbied for gay rights and gay marriage.

Even though the producers found this out after they offered Allen the part but before shooting started, they decided to honor the contract.

"To be honest," [executive producer Mart] Green said, "I would not have hired Chad had I known everything about him. But God had to work around me to get Chad on this project. He wanted Chad on this project. I wish I were able to articulate all the things that led me to understand that. It is very hard to share the ways the Lord leads, especially when you can't fully grasp why he is doing things that don't make sense to the natural man."

Despite (or maybe because of?) God's reacharound, they're hearts were sort of in the right place. Can't these Christianists do a thing because it's the honorable thing to do? Does there always have to be an ulterior evangelistic motive behind everything?

No and yes, in that order:

But [Steve] Saint had already decided to keep Allen on board. He said he had been praying about it, and that God clearly revealed the answer in a dream.

In the dream, Saint says he was "being chased by a mob of Christians who were angry with me for having desecrated 'their story.' The answer to their hostility was easy: Just ask Chad to remove himself. But as quickly as this thought came to me, I found myself standing before God. His look was not as compassionate as I had expected. God said, 'Steve, you of all people should know that I love all of my children. With regard to Chad Allen, I went to great lengths to orchestrate an opportunity for him to see what it would be like for him to walk the trail that I marked for him. Why did you mess with my plans for him?'

Allen, who says he's a Christian and attends Pasadena's gay-friendly All Saints Church, says he doesn't know what those plans might be.


Fantod said...

Oh, I forgot to explain that the movie tells "the story of the five Christian missionaries who were martyred in 1956 in the jungles of Ecuador."

vesti said...

the movie tells "the story of the five Christian missionaries who were martyred in 1956 in the jungles of Ecuador."

That's hot.

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