Tuesday, December 18, 2007

The Evil Solution

This is Denise Martin:

Denise is the self-pitying, femulleted "Survivor" contestant who told everyone that she was a $7/hour lunch lady, and when she got back home after the show's taping wrapped up, the meanie-bad school district she worked for demoted her to janitor duty. The school district received hate mail from all over the world - thousands of emails and letters. "Why would you persecute this poor woman who obviously doesn't have enough money for a mirror?" and the like.

Of course, it turns out that Denise is a lying cunt, she requested a PROMOTION to full-time custodian (paying her more than double than her lunch-ladying) BEFORE she left to tape the show, and the school district granted her EVERY ACCOMMODATION POSSIBLE so she could compete on "Survivor" and jump right back into her job upon her return.

It turns out that - surprise - the great unwashed masses generally fail to investigate situations thoroughly before they fire off angry emails decrying this world's horrible injustices. Such is the case with OneNewsNow's braintrust of readers, who weighed in on the curioous case of Nathaniel Abraham:

Nathaniel Abraham is a well-known biologist who was hired by Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution because of his expertise on Zebra fish. However, in 2004 Abraham lost his job shortly after he mentioned in a casual conversation with his supervisor that he did not believe in evolution.

In an interview with The Boston Globe, Abraham stated that his supervisor appeared "angry" after the conversation. He claims he was then given the ultimatum to believe evolution or lose his job. Abraham is now suing Woods Hole for half a million dollars for violating his civil rights.

Ignoring for a moment that Nathaniel is actually a "completely unknown" biologist (must have just been a typo) ... THOSE BASTARDS! How could they? Here's some righteous indignation from the ONN choir:

Go get 'em!

I wonder why there is not a public outcry of bigotry on behalf of this evolutionist employer?

You know full well there would have been national attention if the roles had been reversed...

Posted by Chris G

Reversed how? An evolutionary scientist applies for a job at the Creationist Museum and his application is declined? Whoa, there's some page one schizznit. Right on, Chris!

So, we have another Gallileo that refuses to throw his brain out the window and accept a flat earth as it were. I pray to the God that created us all that this man wins every dollar and more. Evolution is the Evil Solution to creation.

Posted by Golf Pro

When the hell did Galileo get co-opted by evangelical Christians? That's like when conservative Republicans invoke Abraham Lincoln. "We are the party of LINCOLN, who fought to have slaves freed from people whose political beliefs mirror mine exactly..."

If we're being logical and legal about this and not throwing around junk science, there is absolutely no evidence to support the "theory of evolution" at all. The more scientists try to prove the evolution theory, the more they prove the Bible is correct. Them's the facts, man. Get used to it.

Posted by Sharon Bolling

SHIT! I have been pWned! into submission by Sharon Bolling's airtight argument and mad rhetorical skillz! I give up.

What we see today is the same DNA found in humans for thousands of years. What we do see is that DNA revealing more of its complexity. God made us capable of surviving our environment. What makes evolution such a problem is that the claims of clarity are not clear at all. In fact some are out right stretches of the imagination. And then it’s called science?

Posted by mike

Tell Jerry Falwell that God made humans capable of evolving and see what kind of response you get - he'll call you a homo and damn you to hell. Oh wait he can't - that fat racist fuck is dead.

Regardless, I have to say that I have not seen a lyrically crafted turn of phrase like "the claims of clarity are not clear at all" since Sammy Hagar crooned "only time will tell if we stand the test of time." Fooking genius, Mike!

Again we see discrimination because someone chooses to disagree with "Unproven Science- "Evolution"....

Posted by Steven

Ah, yes ... discrimination. Well, if we are to believe everything that ONN has told us and take it on faith that they OMITTED NOTHING ... perhaps you're correct, Steven. Let's see if they left anything out:

In a 2004 letter to Abraham, his boss, Woods Hole senior scientist Mark E. Hahn, wrote that Abraham said he did not want to work on "evolutionary aspects" of the National Institutes of Health grant for which he was hired, even though the project clearly required scientists to use the principles of evolution in their analyses and writing.


He was hired by Hahn's marine biology lab in March 2004 because of his expertise working with zebra fish and in toxicology and developmental biology, according to court documents. He did not tell anyone his creationist views before being hired. Hahn's lab, according to its website, studies how aquatic animals respond to chemical contaminants by examining ". . . mechanisms from a comparative/evolutionary perspective."


But on Nov. 17, Hahn asked him to resign, pointing out in the letter that Abraham should have known of evolution's centrality to the project because it was evident from the job advertisement and grant proposal.

". . . You have indicated that you do not recognize the concept of biological evolution and you would not agree to include a full discussion of the evolutionary implications and interpretations of our research in any co-authored publications resulting from this work," Hahn wrote in the letter, which the commission provided to the Globe. "This position is incompatible with the work as proposed to NIH and with my own vision of how it should be carried out and interpreted."


That's a bit like applying for a job as a basketball player and then saying you don't believe in the theory that balls bounce. It's like getting a job as a priest, and then saying you don't believe in Jesus. It's like applying for a job as a crack whore, and then telling your pimp that you don't believe in swallowing three loads at once - in all cases YOU'RE FUCKING FIRED.

So, easy on the "discrimination" claims, you dumb-assed backwater hillbilly dunces. Next time, before you write that angry email or post that inflammatory comment, you might want to do your research and find out if the "biologist" you're supporting has more in common with an ugly skank custodian than Anita Hill.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Headliners and Commenters

Usually the commenters on OneNewsNow provide the comedy, but the site's content producers have apparently decided to join in on the fun. Not content with mere obfuscation, now they're engaging in full-blown, tabloid-style "news" creation. Without looking at the site, guess which one of these stories is "fake" (although they're all 'fake' by some standard, I mean "which one doesn't actually appear on OneNewsNow.com):

Pro-lifer attacked -- then threatened with arrest
Rusty Pugh
December 14, 2007

During a protest at a Hillary Clinton campaign stop in Fort Madison, Iowa, last week, a pro-life activist was attacked by a man wielding a club. Eyewitnesses say that police responding to the incident threatened to arrest the pro-lifers if they did not immediately leave the public sidewalk. The incident was captured on video.

The group Missionaries to the Pre-born was protesting Senator Clinton (D-New York), a supporter of abortion, in advance of the January 3 Iowa caucuses. Cheryl Sullenger of Operation Rescue says a man in a pickup drove up, then attacked pro-lifer Dan Holman.

"He was attacked with a club," she recalls. "He called for the police officer who was across the street watching the situation, and the police officer came over and ordered him [Holman] to leave and threatened to arrest and jail him on the spot if he did not leave."

Okay ... we have pro-lifers assaulted with clubs, unnamed cops not doing anything about it, and it's all caught on video (which is apparently under lock and key). It's a start.

Legal case seen as 'backdoor' attempt to get civil unions recognized in Mississippi
Allie Martin
December 14, 2007

An attorney with Liberty Counsel says an unusual legal case could be a backdoor attempt to get legal recognition of civil unions in the state of Mississippi.

The case pits against each other two women who were "partners" in a homosexual relationship. The plaintiff claims that her former partner verbally agreed to give her an interest in real property. However, the pair lived in Florida at the time of the alleged oral agreement, and now both live in Mississippi.

This time, we have references to "backdoor attempt" and "oral agereement" in a story about godless homos. I wonder if Allie Martin knows that both of those phrases are actual porn titles ("Oral Agreement 6: The Swallows of San Juan Capistrano" is my favorite in the series). Hmmm ... maybe Allie IS aware:

Pro-family activist warns of potential rise in 'mobile porn'
Allie Martin
December 13, 2007

According to Juniper Research, revenues from mobile adult services are poised to approach $3.5 billion by 2010. It was also concluded in the report that as cell phone technology advances, porn will become easier to obtain. But Pat Trueman, special counsel with the Alliance Defense Fund (ADF), says concerned consumers can still limit the reach of mobile porn.


The ADF special counsel points out that former Congressman Steve Largent is president and CEO of CTIA-The Wireless Association -- an organization which represents all sectors of wireless communications. Largent, a family advocate and former member of the U.S. House, has vowed to do all he can to keep porn from becoming widely available on mobile phones.

Trueman also suggests that parents regulate their child's use of the phone. He says many children send pornographic emails to each other. "It's a regular thing in high school and college, [and] I fear it's a regular thing in grade school," says the attorney. He urges parents to remain vigilant while at the same time laying down usage rules.

Good ol' #80 is trying to take away my cellphone porn?

Good thing, too. Those grade-school kids are constantly cc'ing me with their pornographic emails of Dora the Explorer getting railed by Boots the Monkey. And don't even get me started on those ones featuring "The Map" ("WHO'S the map? Say it, bitch ... that's right - I'M THE MAP, I'M THE MAP ... I'M THE MAP").

Ex-Police Officer Stakes Out for Illegals
Rusty Pugh
December 12, 2007

Retired New Mexico state police officer Randy Gruden has a new "stakeout" - he volunteers with the Minuteman Society to find illegal immigrants and turn them in to the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). But Randy's methods are somewhat controversial among the people in this small border town. Randy poses as a "john" seeking a prostitute, and when he receives an "offer", he turns the offender over to his former colleagues.

"99% of the prostitutes in this town are illegals, so not only are they breaking the law by being here, they're destroying our town by offering illicit sex for money," says Gruden. And the figures bear his statement out - in the past three months, 28 women here have been arrested for prostitution, and 24 of them have been determined to be illegal aliens.

Oof. It's a wild world.

So, which one is it?