Friday, December 14, 2007

Headliners and Commenters

Usually the commenters on OneNewsNow provide the comedy, but the site's content producers have apparently decided to join in on the fun. Not content with mere obfuscation, now they're engaging in full-blown, tabloid-style "news" creation. Without looking at the site, guess which one of these stories is "fake" (although they're all 'fake' by some standard, I mean "which one doesn't actually appear on OneNewsNow.com):

STORY #1
Pro-lifer attacked -- then threatened with arrest
Rusty Pugh
OneNewsNow.com
December 14, 2007

During a protest at a Hillary Clinton campaign stop in Fort Madison, Iowa, last week, a pro-life activist was attacked by a man wielding a club. Eyewitnesses say that police responding to the incident threatened to arrest the pro-lifers if they did not immediately leave the public sidewalk. The incident was captured on video.

The group Missionaries to the Pre-born was protesting Senator Clinton (D-New York), a supporter of abortion, in advance of the January 3 Iowa caucuses. Cheryl Sullenger of Operation Rescue says a man in a pickup drove up, then attacked pro-lifer Dan Holman.

"He was attacked with a club," she recalls. "He called for the police officer who was across the street watching the situation, and the police officer came over and ordered him [Holman] to leave and threatened to arrest and jail him on the spot if he did not leave."


Okay ... we have pro-lifers assaulted with clubs, unnamed cops not doing anything about it, and it's all caught on video (which is apparently under lock and key). It's a start.

STORY #2
Legal case seen as 'backdoor' attempt to get civil unions recognized in Mississippi
Allie Martin
OneNewsNow.com
December 14, 2007

An attorney with Liberty Counsel says an unusual legal case could be a backdoor attempt to get legal recognition of civil unions in the state of Mississippi.

The case pits against each other two women who were "partners" in a homosexual relationship. The plaintiff claims that her former partner verbally agreed to give her an interest in real property. However, the pair lived in Florida at the time of the alleged oral agreement, and now both live in Mississippi.


This time, we have references to "backdoor attempt" and "oral agereement" in a story about godless homos. I wonder if Allie Martin knows that both of those phrases are actual porn titles ("Oral Agreement 6: The Swallows of San Juan Capistrano" is my favorite in the series). Hmmm ... maybe Allie IS aware:

STORY #3
Pro-family activist warns of potential rise in 'mobile porn'
Allie Martin
OneNewsNow.com
December 13, 2007

According to Juniper Research, revenues from mobile adult services are poised to approach $3.5 billion by 2010. It was also concluded in the report that as cell phone technology advances, porn will become easier to obtain. But Pat Trueman, special counsel with the Alliance Defense Fund (ADF), says concerned consumers can still limit the reach of mobile porn.

[...]

The ADF special counsel points out that former Congressman Steve Largent is president and CEO of CTIA-The Wireless Association -- an organization which represents all sectors of wireless communications. Largent, a family advocate and former member of the U.S. House, has vowed to do all he can to keep porn from becoming widely available on mobile phones.

Trueman also suggests that parents regulate their child's use of the phone. He says many children send pornographic emails to each other. "It's a regular thing in high school and college, [and] I fear it's a regular thing in grade school," says the attorney. He urges parents to remain vigilant while at the same time laying down usage rules.


Good ol' #80 is trying to take away my cellphone porn?



Good thing, too. Those grade-school kids are constantly cc'ing me with their pornographic emails of Dora the Explorer getting railed by Boots the Monkey. And don't even get me started on those ones featuring "The Map" ("WHO'S the map? Say it, bitch ... that's right - I'M THE MAP, I'M THE MAP ... I'M THE MAP").

STORY #4
Ex-Police Officer Stakes Out for Illegals
Rusty Pugh
OneNewsNow.com
December 12, 2007

Retired New Mexico state police officer Randy Gruden has a new "stakeout" - he volunteers with the Minuteman Society to find illegal immigrants and turn them in to the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). But Randy's methods are somewhat controversial among the people in this small border town. Randy poses as a "john" seeking a prostitute, and when he receives an "offer", he turns the offender over to his former colleagues.

"99% of the prostitutes in this town are illegals, so not only are they breaking the law by being here, they're destroying our town by offering illicit sex for money," says Gruden. And the figures bear his statement out - in the past three months, 28 women here have been arrested for prostitution, and 24 of them have been determined to be illegal aliens.


Oof. It's a wild world.

So, which one is it?

6 comments:

eyedoc333 said...

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that it's a trick question....all of the stories are real!

Well, sadly, none of them surprise me.

vesti said...

Actually, one (and only one) of the stories is "fake" (as in "made up by me and not made up by OneNewsNow").

"They're all real" - yeah, that old gag. I've used that one before - I'm not proud of it, but at least I admit it.

not_over_it said...

The last one is fake! No way that many prostitutes are "illegals".

GroovyJ said...

I think the second one is probably the fake. It seemed lacking in vitriol. I don't believe conservative commentators could post something like that without sounding substantially more judgmental.

Fantod said...

I vote #4 because "Randy" is too convenient a name for a john.

vesti said...

Fantod and NOI are correct - number 4 was made up by little ol' me (hey, I was in a hurry - it was the best I could think of on the spot).

And groovyj's instincts were spot-on ... that article is quite muted, given the general tenor of ONN's rhetoric. The paragraph I left out from that article was, however, slightly more blustery:

"This would break the ice for perhaps a flood of cases that would explore these avenues for creative means of obtaining recognition of a relationship that our public policy emphatically declares against the will of the state of Mississippi's citizens and against the law in our state," says the attorney.