Thursday, October 25, 2007

Gay 101

What do you get when you mix a gay male teacher with lots of 8-year-olds? A WHOLE LOT OF SEXY - that's what you get.

A California-based pro-family activist is outraged that a San Diego public school teacher is teaching third graders that homosexuality is acceptable, and that a San Diego news website is glorifying the teacher's indoctrination techniques. [...]

"This is a situation where you have a schoolteacher who is absolutely trying to indoctrinate little children who don't have the wherewithal to say 'I don't agree with that. I don't think that's right,'" says Hartline. "We're talking about 8-year-olds, and maybe 9-year-olds, and maybe even as young as 7-year-olds, who don't have any ability to absorb this information that this teacher is putting in their minds, and reject it."

I'll bet this guy is just blowing kids left and right while they salute the flag. Let's check out his Declaration of Indoctrination...

I'm really honest with my kids. ... Once, a couple of fundamentalist parents pulled me aside and said, 'What kinds of things out of left field are you going to be teaching our child?' ... And I said, 'Well, if you're referring to conversations about the gay and lesbian community, I just talk about it in terms of treating everybody with respect." ... Even the fundamentalist parents sign on to that kind of stuff.

WHOA! Slow down there, Rock Hudson. Obviously, you're hell-bent on teaching forcible anal rape. Not like you couldn't work anal rape into interdisciplinary units on The Discovery of the New World, The Pilgrims, The Trail of Tears, The South Before the Civil War, The South During the Civil War, The South After the Civil War, The South Today, World War I, World War II, The Korean War, Vietnam, The American Civil Rights Movement, Iraq ... well, you get the point. Just because anal rape has played an integral role in the American tradition of manifest destiny doesn't mean you should be handing K-Y to hairless pre-pubescent boys who have trouble taking a dump if their log is fatter than a string cheese stick.

I'm gonna guess that readers have something to say about this:

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: if these bozos would be arrested for child enticement this stuff would end in the classroom. What other reason or excuse could any adult give for talking to small children of that age about sexual matters which are NONE of his business, and way too early an age as to his "audience"? At the very least, this guy should be investigated as to his background and activities. I'd bet he's molested children after "indoctrinating" them.
Seems to be the reason for the indoctrination.
What else could it be? That the kids are "intolerant" of homosexuals? They don't even know what sex IS, and shouldn't at that age. That is the parent's job, but when a "teacher" takes it upon himself to preach perversion to little kids, it has nothing to do with his job, but his predilections.

Posted by Bill

Bill's SAID IT BEFORE and he'll SAY IT AGAIN. Remember that.

As Christians we believe what the bible says about homosexuality. I personally do not teach my child to hate anyone, but a teacher should not be allowed to contradict what a parent teaches as we have the primary responsibility for teaching our children.

Posted by Lynda

Lynda: The Supreme Court ... look into it.

Homosexuality is all about sex - that's it! It's not about lifestyle, it's not about heredity (which they keep looking for and never find), it's not even about love - it's about having sex with someone of the same sex, and that fact alone is enough to not teach kids that young - we don't teach them about sex at that age, their brains are not mature enough to understand the dynamics of human relations.
This bozo teacher is a monster in disguise, the disguise of hatred. Just because we don't agree with his thinking makes it hatred! If that were true this country would have drowned long before the term "civil rights" ever took hold. These homosexual groups like to label us who oppose this "lifestyle" as fearful ("homophobic") and liken us to bigots and racists.
It's about sex! Call it what it is! They won't do that because then the truth about it is exposed... bunch of cockroaches...

Posted by WCH

"Cockroaches." That's a new one for me.

And also teachers and others of this mentality may have a history child abuse, using pronography, and other unsavory and unChristian practices. It may be possible, by using the internet, or other divices at our disposal, to learn of these and expose these people to the public for what they are: frauds.

e r thielk

Posted by edward thielk

Edward, how are you going to use the Internet to track teachers' activities when you can't even operate a Speak 'N Spell?

This teacher needs to apply for a job in Iran. I bet the Iranians will explain it well as they do not have a "GAY" problem in Iran. Just ask Hitler's nephew.

Posted by Ron Penny

I heard that Mussolini's grand-niece is a rug-licker.

If we are loving Christians, we must warn the gays about the dangers of having same sex attraction. I learned from Conservapedia that sexually transmitted diseases don't occur in heterosexual relationships, only in homosexual relationships. If this is not enough to convince gays to be straight, I don't know what would do it. We need to teach the gays to pray. Its the fault of parents not teaching their children to pray. If they learn to pray, they can not be gay.

Posted by Hazel Robinson

Nice try, "Hazel." A little too far over the top to not be outed as a gag response. But close. Close. A little more oblique next time.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Quick WNDiversion

I just got back from a trip to the World Nut Daily edge of the universe, where they are taking right-wing media circle-jerking to stratospheric heights. Check this out:

Chuck Norris' Newest Honda Commercial
'Tough Meets Classy' capitalizes on actor's legendary persona

The commercial opens in an elegant restaurant. Coffee is being poured into fine China. A harpist is softly playing "Greensleeves" in the background. Well-dressed and smiling ladies are gently conversing. In walks a dirty-faced Chuck Norris clad in a black vest with black-gloved clenched fists at his side – surveying the room with suspicious eyes.

Yes, you're correct. WND is posting an article about the new teevee commercial made by Chuck Norris. F'real.

"Tough meets classy," says the announcer. "The stylish, 4-door Ridgeline, built by Honda."

It's the latest TV ad featuring Chuck Norris, the martial-arts star cum movie start cum Internet "facts" legend cum WND commentator.

Not only is Chuck Norris a secret weapon for Madison Avenue. He's also a secret weapon on the political landscape – using his most recent exclusive commentary in WND to endorse dark-horse presidential candidate Mike Huckabee, former governor of Arkansas.

I have to admit, I did enjoy their use of the word "cum" in the article.

Chuck Norris has been writing his weekly column exclusively for WND since Oct. 23, 2006. The star of "Walker: Texas Ranger" and some of the biggest action pictures ever, Chuck Norris has talking to a new generation these days as part of an Internet craze for one-liners usually labeled not as jokes but as "facts."

Here are some samples:

"Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there."

"They wanted to put Chuck Norris on Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't tough enough for Chuck's beard."

"Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink."

"Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming that 'Law & Order' are the names of his left and right legs."

Wow. That's some Comedy Gold, as Mr. KEvron is fond of saying. What about "Chuck Norris is so tough, he can stuff Osama INTO a bin ... Laden" or "Chuck Norris can stop the AIDS epidemic by bending over and enticing queers to fuck his beautiful ass, and then clenching up his butt cheeks and ripping their dicks off" (apologies to Eddie Murphy), or "If Chuck Norris were in Little Rock 50 years ago, he's have thrown those coons off the roof of the school and they would have landed right back in their negroid classroom chairs where they belonged." Chuck Norris jokes ... always funny.

The article continues with a fawning biography that extolls the virtues or All Things Chuck, although it fails to mention that he was successful in siphoning millions of dollars from vulnerable fat people through his successful advertising campaign for a useless exercise machine (an item with the sole apparent purpose of providing a weather-beaten Christie Brinkley with an inclined surface upon which to spread her legs once more for the millions of past-it guys who think there might be something at the end of the rainbow other than the barren, cobwebbed cave that used to be her vagina - before it sucked the life out of Billy Joel and countless other men who wound up in rehabilitation after realizing that they had given half their fortunes to a brainless cyborg whose idea of creativity is the album cover for "River of Dreams" - but I digress).

It's an "article" about an advertisement featuring a guy who writes articles for the "news" source that published the article. In the end, it's one more step toward the late, great Bill Hicks' vision for advertising in America:

The ad begins with a naked woman sitting on a barstool ... she spreads her legs slowly to reveal her hairless vagina ... she strokes her pussy and throws back her head in rapture ... and then, just as the commercial is about to close, these words appear on the screen ... "Drink Coke."

Monday, October 22, 2007

Gay Ear Tickling

I'm having a hard time figuring out who evangelicals hate more - Mormons or Episcopalians. Mormons may have added their own satanic material to the Bible by looking into Harry Potter's sorting hat, but at least they demonize gays and don't let them serve as Bishops. Once again, Katharine Jefferts Schori is the object of reader scorn, as she dared to bring Jesus' clumsily hung body into the argument on homosexuality and the church:

"We reaffirmed commitments made at the last General Convention to wait and to consider carefully before consenting to the election of another openly gay and partnered bishop, and to wait before authorizing rights for blessing same-sex unions. The crucifixion I suffer is not being able to include the fullness of the gifts of my gay and lesbian brothers and sisters, that they are not yet able to live those out in all orders of ministry in this church, that their unions are unable to be blessed in those places," she stated.

Silly Katharine - gays aren't crucified, they're ostracized from their families, shunned by society and then either dragged behind trucks or beaten by angry mobs. Now that we've clarified that point, let's see what the braintrust has to say about her demonically impertinent comments:

Boy oh boy, if I'm reading this right, this presiding Bishop Kate Schori is WAYYY out there. She is part of the problem. The Episcopal Church doesn't believe the Bible and kicked God out a long time ago. We shouldn't take the Bible LITERALLY??? Is she kidding? Then what are Episcopalians supposed to base their faith on anyway? The Episcopal church is watering down the Gospel in an attempt to make their church seem more appealing. They hold Bizaars, fish dinners, towel parties and Christmas craft shows to raise money rather than preach the Gospel and tell their members what the Bible says about tithing. And the blessings that go with it. The Episcopal church doesn't even believe in God. They think He's just "good thoughts." Bye bye Episcopal church!

Posted by Mark Krampen

I have the same criticisms about my local high school. They told kids not to take "Animal Farm" literally, when we all know it's about the problems that can occur when subverts God's commands for humans to hold absolute dominion over nature and the animal kingdom. And many people got in trouble for the latest Towel Party, which got totally out of control when Joker hit Pyle too many times.

Jesus said that He came to fulfill the law and the prophets and that not one jot nor one tiddle will be left out. It is interesting that Schori uses this reference to say that Jesus does not call us to obey the law of God, since Jesus is God. Why would He die on the cross for us, if He did not intend for us to follow Him every step.

Posted by cindy

My entire life, government has done nothing but throw money at those damn tiddles and jots, and they have done nothing to improve their social standing. Personally, I will never hire another tiddle. But I might have a bit of a fetish for the jots.

It may become evident that these so called leaders have a different god, called money. It is time to taker their god away from them. There needs to be a tea party here also.

Posted by Paul Ruppert

Hmmm ... is that the same God that Mark Krampen wants us to tithe to? Frankly, I owe Jesus an extra 5 points vig by Wednesday, or he'll send Zaccheus to bust my fuckin' legs.

it would seem that some that claim to be pastors in a house of God and who claim to represent him and to be teaching his word, are attempting to stick their finger in his eye.

personally, i would have immediately left any congregation or denomination that did not defrock anyone that was found to be actively homosexual. i especially would not have condoned his/her being promoted.

Posted by Dan Shamrock

Frankly Dan, once those gays take off their frocks, they poke their finger everywhere BUT the eye.

By their fruits we shall know them.

Posted by Christopher

The word is ... it's pomegranates.

Bet you that money is at the root of all this - what do you think?

Posted by Ed C

More anti-tithe talk ... I won't have it, I tell you.

The scripture is plain about people seeking those who will tickle their ears. It appears this is one denomination that is willing to throw out God's word for the soothing of all those who might be called to live by it!

Posted by Rob from VA

I think I have it now ... are "ears" and "eyes" homo code words for "anuses"?

Now it all makes sense.

Monday, October 15, 2007

The Best Part of Waking Up

The Best Part of Waking Up? It's Janet Folger in your cup. Janet is yet another in's stable of fire-and-brimstone, "armageddon is coming if we don't elect radical Christians whom will buy every white person a gun," over-the-top wacko columnists. That description may seem hyperbolic - until you read her "writings":

There has never been another election like this in all of our history -- it is for all or nothing ... literally. We will either win everything we have worked for in the last three and a half decades or we will lose it all.

WE'RE FIGHTING FOR OUR LIVES, PEOPLE! It would be a nice touch if she would tack on this phrase at the end of that statement: "In fact, if we lose the election, we should all band together to drink poison communion wine, and make the southern and plains states look like the world's largest Jonestown replication project." Unfortunately, there's precious little hope of that, as Janet is far too concerned on saving the lives of trillions of little sperms that might someday become God's unwanted babies:

Beyond losing the chance to restore protection to unborn children in our lifetime, we face losing every single pro-life law we have passed in the last 34 years. Parental notice, parental consent, the woman's right to know law, waiting periods, fetal homicide, abortion funding restrictions, partial-birth abortion bans -- all gone -- wiped off the books in every single state with the promised signature of Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama to the radical "Freedom of Choice Act," or FOCA.

Apparently, that "Fetal Homicide" law must have been passed in 1999, because that's when one of my favorite shows went off the air:

Of course, Janet also struggles with the idea that the federal government wants to limit the amount of hatred that she and her church pals can express toward gays, Muslims, Mexicans and negroes:

You see, when 28 million evangelical Christians sat home in 2006, we handed the keys of power in Congress to those who hate us. Not only did they pass "hate crimes" legislation, which, without a presidential veto, will criminalize Christianity, now nearly a fourth of the U.S. House of Representatives and a fifth of the U.S. Senate are cosponsors of the most radical abortion bill this nation has ever seen. The only thing FOCA doesn't do is implement the forced-abortion policy of China, which, I suppose, they can add by amendment.

Ooh! I love Janet's sassy "tee hee" joke about how the Chinese government slices up women to avoid overpopulating the world with burdensome girls. But wait, she ain't done:

Say goodbye to every single pro-life advance we have made in three and a half decades. And say hello to partial-birth abortion performed on your 12-year-old daughter without your knowledge or consent, paid for with your tax dollars in every single state. That's what Hillary and Barack will sign if elected to the White House.

What about my 11-year-old daughter? Boy, I REALLY hope that she's not too young for a D&X, or I might have some 'splainin to do. But for now, Janet will summarize it all for us:

The end to abortion on demand is within our grasp; so is the annihilation of every advance we have ever made. Values Voters: Are you ready to unite yet?

The Mensa Meeting Otherwise Knows as OneNewsNow's Readers sure are ready to unite! Let's begin with another classic from our good pal Earl B. Buggin:

I think the hardest thing for me to understand is why the American people voted out Republicans after one term. It took the Democrats almost 50 years of control to mess up our government and way of life. What makes the people think that the Republicans could fix it in 4 years. Give me a break. It's going to take a lot longer to fix what's been done to this country. Of course it would help if some Republicans would stop spending money like the were Democrats. We all know where the money comes from. The Middle-Class.

Posted by Earl B. Phillips

Careful Earl, John Stossel is coming after you with his copyright on "Give Me a Break" (although he is currently in mediation with the estate of Nell Carter). And is it me, or did I miss all the other "terms" where the GOP had a congressional majority? And Bush is in his second term, correct? Earl Be Needin' a Calendar.

I know this probably won't be received well, but I've always thought, "Team Thompson/Huckabee." Of course, why not, "Huckabee/Thompson." I simply feel (and I call it nothing more than a feeling) but there is something intuitively wrong with the later. I'm still thinking our best chance is "Thompson/Huckabee!!!"

Posted by Gene Mattingly

Don't you love when delusional Christian zealots play cruel jokes on themselves? Gene is apparently hoping for a GOP ticket with the electoral power of George McGovern.

Psalms 33:12 says " Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord,
The people He has chosen as His own inheritance".
Get on your knees and prayer for a man of righteousness to become President of the USA.

Posted by Jean Donauer

That's right Jean - a man. Not some stank ho, a man. Man, man, man, man, man.

Oh, and Jesus? Please make that man be not a negro.

Friday, October 5, 2007

I ♥ James L. Lambert!

A few posts ago, I highlighted the nonsensical ramblings of mortgage broker and social commentator extraordinaire James L. Lambert. I enjoyed his work so much that I dipped into the archives and found more of his essays on life, the universe and everything. Reading James. L. Lambert is like swimming in a pond that has been contaminated by Dow Chemical Company's runoff for years ... except that the pollutants are actually millions of microscopic molecules of stupid. Before we dive into James' shallow end, let's take a look at a piece of modern poetry ... the lyrical intro to "Home Sweet Home" by Mötley Crüe (stay with me for a minute here):

You know I'm a dreamer
But my heart's of gold
I had to run away high
So I wouldn't come home low

Just when things went right
It doesn't mean they were
Always wrong
Just take this song
and you'll never feel
Left all alone

Take me to your heart
Feel me in your bones
Just one more night
And I'm comin' off this
Long and winding road

I'm on my wayWell, I'm on my way
Home sweet home
Tonight, tonight
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home

I've always been amused by this song, not only because the keyboardist sounds like a first-grader pounding away with one finger on My First Casio, but because the lyrics are so disjointed - yet connected. Whichever member of the band wrote this song is a stream-of-consciousness word processor with dyslexia - loosely rhyming a series of semi-related ideas and making them seem to all make sense.

Such is the world of James L. Lambert:

Recently Jan LaRue, legal counsel for Concerned Women for America, expressed her deep disappointment in the Justice Department's lack of indictments of adult obscenity (hard-core pornography and pornographers) over the last six years. I expressed similar outrage almost two years ago.

With more than two-million porn addresses on the Internet, including some of the most despicable websites involving incest, rape, and adult-child sex, you would think the DOJ would have a field day in prosecuting this material. Yet, along with so many in American culture, leadership in the Justice Department has turned its back on the problem and chosen to ignore the smutty swamp.

So, he's going to write a hard-hitting opinion piece about the failure of America's moral, spiritual and political leaders to address the problems of pornography, right? Fine, well enough ... it's not like I agree that there's a problem - in fact, I LOVE that porn is much more readily available these days than when I was growing up. Not to mention that James brings up a tired old lie - that adult-child porn is actually available online ... Doug Stanhope recently raised this issue, and he is correct when he says that even after years of poring over the most disturbing videos that the Internet has to offer - like Cock Splitting, double fisting, bestiality, shit play, and pretend (?) violence - he has NEVER seen any porn depicting adults having sex with kids. IT ISN'T OUT THERE. Anyway, that's neither here nor there - James has a point of view and he's sticking to it:

Unfortunately the vast majority of America's leaders and Christian spokesmen, many of whom stand in the pulpit on Sunday mornings, cowardly ignore what is happening around them and opt instead to bury their proverbial heads in the sand. Complacency and apathy are the order of the day. May I present for your consideration ...

Case in Point #1: In 2005, only four pastors -- out of a community with more than 1,800 churches -- appeared before a San Diego City Council hearing to defend a 54-year-old historical cross from being torn down by government bureaucrats.

James? Uh, James? What relevance hath this to your "Introductory Paragraph"? Was the cross later used in a a gay porn film, or a performance art life-size re-creation of a Serrano work? Try to stay on topic, okay?

Case in Point #2: In California last fall, a state-wide initiative was placed on the ballot that would have allowed parents to have pre-notification rights if their child requested an abortion. Despite appeals from numerous pro-life groups inside and outside the state, little or no support was heard from the clergy on this measure.

Okay, we're CLOSE to getting back on track. Abortions are HOT.

Case in Point #3: Less than two years ago, Republicans in the U.S. Senate -- despite being the majority party -- could not even muster 50 votes for a constitutional amendment defining marriage solely as the union of a man and a woman. Appeals to Congress from conservative groups like the American Family Association, Focus on the Family, Coral Ridge Ministries, and others did garner substantial support (close to 3.5 million petitions) from the Christian community.

Oh well, he's gone. We've lost him. Putting aside the fact that you actually need a 2/3 majority in both houses of Congress to move a Constitutional amendment forward, and ignoring the idea that there were 3.5 million petitions floating around (if each petition was signed by only 1,800 people, they'd have gotten EVERY HUMAN ON THE PLANET behind it) ... James has flipped his wig, and is babbling on like an evangelical "Benji" from "The Sound and the Fury" (although I don't think Benji spoke ... I'll get back to you on that one). He has two more "cases in point," but they are painful to read and may cause permanent damage to our more sensitive readers. So let's just let him finish...

What has become of America's commitment to moral and even biblical values? Possibly we are too consumed with what other people think. Perhaps our leaders in the pulpit lack the backbone to risk offending anyone. We need to be more concerned with the cost of offending a Holy God, who deeply cares for each of us.

I have that for you right here ... the Cost of Offending a Holy God just went up to $11.63 per sin, despite light early trading. Canadian sins have surpassed American sins in value, though, so let's put in some effort out there.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

No Dick, No Dice

Since when did angry butch bitches get the right to preach God's word? That's the question on the lips of OneNewsNow readers today (and every day). Today (just like every other day) they are all pissed off at Katherine Jefferts Schiori, the presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church. She not only has the temerity to possess a vagina, but she also speaks when not spoken to. This is why the Church Of Ike Turner needs to come correct:

The top bishop in the Episcopal Church has made it clear that she supports same-sex unions. A leader among conservative Episcopalians says such a stance illustrates why many people are choosing to leave the American contingent of the worldwide Anglican Communion.

The story goes on to re-hash the whole flap over same-sex unions in the Episcopal Church, and the fact that some guy named Gene in New Hampshire is having sex with a dude while being a Bishop. Of course, the topic of the article doesn't matter to OneNewsNow readers ... because they know it's the Bitchezz that'll git yizz...

My Bible teaches that to be a pastor or church you MUST be a male. Woman have a very important function in the body of Christ, but it is not in a leadership position. Until churches who allow woman pastors put a stop to it and demand that the ones they have step down, God will not be honored in that church because they don't care what Scripture says. [...] For a church to say its OK is putting forth false teaching and needs to be disciplined or cut off. This is not to be done in vengence but for the purpose of reconcilliation.
Posted by Gary Silverman

Yeah, you're just full of love and understanding, Gary.

Tim 2:12 clearly states that God doesn't feel a woman should teach or usurp authority over a man... then He goes on to tell us why. Does this mean that men are superior to women? Of course not! It simply means that everything God does, He does with purpose. He created man for a specific purpose just as He created woman for a specific purpose.

Yes ... women are here to be raped, and men are the grim rapers. This guy's comments are jam packed with gems - he continues:

God created Adam first... what should this tell us about the sociological order that God intended for mankind to follow? And this whole "homosexual" issue. I just can't seem to understand... Anyone with any biblical knowledge (who can rightly divide scripture) understands that homosexuality is sin. Some claim that they were born that way... okay...and? Of the entire male population that is currently walking the face of earth, 100% were born with an inherent nature to lust after women.

I can't even figure out what part to ridicule. It's like an idiocy salad bar without a sneezeguard. But wait, there's more:
Does this mean that since men are born this way that they should simply stop attempting to avoid the lusts of the eyes? God's Word is very easy to read. He doesn't mince words and He repeats Himself often on topics that He knew people would try to discount. Hey, I'm a sinner saved by grace... just like anyone else that will be reigning with Jesus Christ. I'm no Bible scholar and fully understand that I'm no more deserving and no more worthy than the next individual.

This guy is like the evangelical conservative version of Bob Dylan. It can't get any better, right?
Today, 75,000 people across the globe will perish without ever hearing the message of Jesus Christ... and tomorrow it will happen again.

And I have the solution. We start in Africa and the far east, and we brand everyone who will die in the next three months with the phrase "Best if Converted by 1/15/08."

There's more? Really? This guy is the gift that keeps on giving...
At what point will people yield to their own desires and understand that it really isn't about us or what we want? Gal 2:20 - My flesh died the day I accepted Christ... so why would I do anything to please something that's dead?
Posted by Dane Davidson

Ladies and gentlemen, the Great Dane Davidson. Let the record show that he closed on necrophilia.

Can anyone follow Dane's act?

First of all, it is a direct violation of the scriptures for a woman to be a pastor of a church, or to even teach in the church. There is no place in the Bible that has a woman in a leadership position in the church. This woman is a lesbian, which disqualfy's her from being a part of the church; let alone, a pastor of a church. We are headed toward Sodom and Gemorrah. It is no wonder she takes the homosexual stand, even the though the gay lifestyle is full of disease and debauchery.
Posted by Terry Gabrich

I've often decried the poor spelling of Christian homeschoolers ... but one also has to wonder if they fully understand the Secrets Of The Apostrophe. How does that damn thing work, and why? Nobody knows...
I have a 140 pound black labrador retriever that I would like to marry. She's a good companion and I have the right to be happy. Would someone from a Christian church please consider joining us together in matrimony?
Posted by Darryl Gillit

First of all Darryl, you'll have to divorce the donkey. Next, make sure that all of your sexual contact with your Labrador is for procreative purposes only. My guess is that in a few months, she'll pump out a few pups that have your mother's eyes.
As far as I know homosexuality was an abomination unto the Lord.
Posted by Don Gubelman

Yes, but this is NEW IMPROVED! Homosexuality (check out its great new taste). The hot new abomination unto the Lord is actually Funyuns.
First of all, I'm not so sure that God's word in the Bible, would support a woman minister. Second, what Bible does she read or does she just make up what she wants to believe as she goes along. God said it is an abomination. I don't think you can go from that to it's OK and condone same sex marriages. You either believe God's word - all of it, or none of it. You can't play the middle of the road.
Posted by Earl B. Phillips

EARL! My old pal "Earl B. Buggin"!!! I've got to do an Earl retrospective sometime soon...

The leaders in Sodom approved the unnatural lifestyle.Lot's wife looked back and died.Rome and Greece allowed homosexuality and emphasized the human body sensuality over morality.The Koran,Talmud,and Holy Bible condemn homosexuality and sodomy.The curse of AIDS is not known to faithfull heterosexual spouses.If the denomination adds to or takes from the simple truth of Romans 1vs27 etal,then watch God blow their candle out as foretold in Revelation.Quench the Holy Spirit or have the wick quenched by God's Word. His Word will not return void of punishment for the choices people make in denominations or in leadership position.God Help them repent.In Christ,John McIntyre
Posted by John McIntyre

Damn, and I enjoyed him so much on M*A*S*H.

Well, let's all decide what we like in the bible and cut out the parts we don't like or agree with, or, (as is the buzz word today)delete that which is not "politically correct". Let's just all play God and write our own Bible. What is the difference?
Posted by Dianna Penrose

Finally, I agree with someone.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

One News WND

I founded this blog way back about a month-and-a-half ago to focus on ... but every once in a while, the World Nut Daily Email Letters Page will publish something so loony that it qualifies for the Pantheon Of One News Lunatic Greatness and must be included. Check out today's fantastically prosaic pile of pfundamentalist poop:
In response to Jason [E-mail to the Editor, Oct. 1] who wants a man to lead. Sorry to burst your bubble, Jason, but women can lead, too. Case in point: If elected president, I would immediately embark on 10 things:

Oh boy - it's a list! I can hardly contain my anticipation.
1. Round up all illegal immigrants standing on corners and bus or fly them back to native homelands.

Can I have the job of designing the flyer for this one? I'm thinking we contract with Jet Blue to be the Official Airline of Street Corner Deportations. The tagline would be something like "Win a Free One-Way International Flight- Stand Here."
2. Have correctional officers immediately identify and organize low-risk prisoners to pick fruits and vegetables.

This isn't already happening?
3. Have all public schools have access to menial jobs, as in the fast food industry, so American teens can do the jobs illegals using fake Social Security numbers have been hijacking.

First of all, let me say that this is shaping up to be one hell of a platform. But it seems to me she could save even more time and money by simply arming all public school kids, and having them walk around exterminating all illegal aliens. That way, they wouldn't have to miss class in order to work the counter at Denny's, and they could learn valuable lessons in gun safety ("Don't lead the old ones so much") and cultural exchange ("He said 'I wash my hands for supper'.").
4. Build a wall between Mexico and USA. Have unemployed Americans build it.

Hey now! The Works Progress Administration is BACK and BETTER THAN EVER. They should go one step further and get all the bricks for the wall from old WPA projects - just go around the country tearing them all down and ship the bricks south.
5. Make caring for disabled, elderly and infirmed a national priority.

I don't know exactly who "infirmed" who, but you shouldn't ever do that to anybody. Frankly, these drains on Social Security should be a national priority - for elimination. Do people realize who many family photos are destroyed every year due to the presence of a child with misshapen chromosomes, or someone so elderly that their spine has taken the shape of a cheetah's? Somebody name Jim Jones the Secretary of Elder and Disability Affairs NOW.
6. Make most public schools vocational schools so our children have a job out of high school instead of wasting another four to eight years at some liberal college where they end up with a menial job anyway.

Looks like somebody's a little bit bitter about graduating cum laude in communications, and getting nothing but an internship at the local morning zoo radio show. How's the waitressing job, anyway?
7. Encourage health and fitness as an alternative to medications.

That fits in quite nicely with your policy of providing massive vocational support to the fast food industry.
8. Limit bureaucracy on all levels. Merge departments. Fire lazy, apathetic individuals who have been playing solitaire on computer instead of their doing jobs.

Whoa! She went and got all CEO on us. I'll start - let's merge the Office of Health and Human Services with the Air Force, the IRS, and the CIA. Then, we'll buy Park Place, pass "Go", and get slammed in the dumper by Ron Jeremy. Problem solved, opportunity gained. And, we'll likely get AIDS and not be a drain on Social Security.
9. Send all spoiled Hollyweirdos to a remote island with liquor, nightclubs and nannies.

She really did box herself in by starting a "Top 10" list. It seems like she ran out of things to say around #4, and she's relying on her "filler" material to round out the list.

10. Ban television and movies. Make reading books, newspapers and websites like WorldNetDaily mandatory.
- Jen Hienz

Thankfully, in Jen's America, I will still be able to enjoy my beloved Internet porn. That's all I really need.