Friday, October 5, 2007

I ♥ James L. Lambert!

A few posts ago, I highlighted the nonsensical ramblings of mortgage broker and social commentator extraordinaire James L. Lambert. I enjoyed his work so much that I dipped into the archives and found more of his essays on life, the universe and everything. Reading James. L. Lambert is like swimming in a pond that has been contaminated by Dow Chemical Company's runoff for years ... except that the pollutants are actually millions of microscopic molecules of stupid. Before we dive into James' shallow end, let's take a look at a piece of modern poetry ... the lyrical intro to "Home Sweet Home" by Mötley Crüe (stay with me for a minute here):

You know I'm a dreamer
But my heart's of gold
I had to run away high
So I wouldn't come home low

Just when things went right
It doesn't mean they were
Always wrong
Just take this song
and you'll never feel
Left all alone

Take me to your heart
Feel me in your bones
Just one more night
And I'm comin' off this
Long and winding road

I'm on my wayWell, I'm on my way
Home sweet home
Tonight, tonight
I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home

I've always been amused by this song, not only because the keyboardist sounds like a first-grader pounding away with one finger on My First Casio, but because the lyrics are so disjointed - yet connected. Whichever member of the band wrote this song is a stream-of-consciousness word processor with dyslexia - loosely rhyming a series of semi-related ideas and making them seem to all make sense.

Such is the world of James L. Lambert:

Recently Jan LaRue, legal counsel for Concerned Women for America, expressed her deep disappointment in the Justice Department's lack of indictments of adult obscenity (hard-core pornography and pornographers) over the last six years. I expressed similar outrage almost two years ago.

With more than two-million porn addresses on the Internet, including some of the most despicable websites involving incest, rape, and adult-child sex, you would think the DOJ would have a field day in prosecuting this material. Yet, along with so many in American culture, leadership in the Justice Department has turned its back on the problem and chosen to ignore the smutty swamp.

So, he's going to write a hard-hitting opinion piece about the failure of America's moral, spiritual and political leaders to address the problems of pornography, right? Fine, well enough ... it's not like I agree that there's a problem - in fact, I LOVE that porn is much more readily available these days than when I was growing up. Not to mention that James brings up a tired old lie - that adult-child porn is actually available online ... Doug Stanhope recently raised this issue, and he is correct when he says that even after years of poring over the most disturbing videos that the Internet has to offer - like Cock Splitting, double fisting, bestiality, shit play, and pretend (?) violence - he has NEVER seen any porn depicting adults having sex with kids. IT ISN'T OUT THERE. Anyway, that's neither here nor there - James has a point of view and he's sticking to it:

Unfortunately the vast majority of America's leaders and Christian spokesmen, many of whom stand in the pulpit on Sunday mornings, cowardly ignore what is happening around them and opt instead to bury their proverbial heads in the sand. Complacency and apathy are the order of the day. May I present for your consideration ...

Case in Point #1: In 2005, only four pastors -- out of a community with more than 1,800 churches -- appeared before a San Diego City Council hearing to defend a 54-year-old historical cross from being torn down by government bureaucrats.

James? Uh, James? What relevance hath this to your "Introductory Paragraph"? Was the cross later used in a a gay porn film, or a performance art life-size re-creation of a Serrano work? Try to stay on topic, okay?

Case in Point #2: In California last fall, a state-wide initiative was placed on the ballot that would have allowed parents to have pre-notification rights if their child requested an abortion. Despite appeals from numerous pro-life groups inside and outside the state, little or no support was heard from the clergy on this measure.

Okay, we're CLOSE to getting back on track. Abortions are HOT.

Case in Point #3: Less than two years ago, Republicans in the U.S. Senate -- despite being the majority party -- could not even muster 50 votes for a constitutional amendment defining marriage solely as the union of a man and a woman. Appeals to Congress from conservative groups like the American Family Association, Focus on the Family, Coral Ridge Ministries, and others did garner substantial support (close to 3.5 million petitions) from the Christian community.

Oh well, he's gone. We've lost him. Putting aside the fact that you actually need a 2/3 majority in both houses of Congress to move a Constitutional amendment forward, and ignoring the idea that there were 3.5 million petitions floating around (if each petition was signed by only 1,800 people, they'd have gotten EVERY HUMAN ON THE PLANET behind it) ... James has flipped his wig, and is babbling on like an evangelical "Benji" from "The Sound and the Fury" (although I don't think Benji spoke ... I'll get back to you on that one). He has two more "cases in point," but they are painful to read and may cause permanent damage to our more sensitive readers. So let's just let him finish...

What has become of America's commitment to moral and even biblical values? Possibly we are too consumed with what other people think. Perhaps our leaders in the pulpit lack the backbone to risk offending anyone. We need to be more concerned with the cost of offending a Holy God, who deeply cares for each of us.

I have that for you right here ... the Cost of Offending a Holy God just went up to $11.63 per sin, despite light early trading. Canadian sins have surpassed American sins in value, though, so let's put in some effort out there.


Carl said...

Errrrrrrrrrrr, ummmmmmmmmm, James?

You realize a significant, if not majority, of those sites are outside of the United States and therefore not subject to persecution by the DoJ?

Precisely because of moronic bluenoses like yourself?

not_over_it said...

Remember, a lot of those signatures on their petitions were shown to be fake.

Fantod said...

Except for Mr. Ben Dover. That one was real. It was, however, on all 3.5 million petitions.

Carl said...

I always sign Jack Kough, and call that my profession.